So, you guys. In my
Once again, Etsy deserves the maddest of props for being full of famazing art THAT POOR BASTARDS LIKE ME CAN ACTUALLY AFFORD.
DoomGloomBoom has a crazy-excellent, unique style, and artwork that is just psychedelic enough to be trippy without being annoying. It's like MGMT, if MGMT made paintings instead of music. "Nature and Synthesizer Girl" is my favorite:
SandiCalistroArt is also pretty rad. Sandi Calistro paints dainty big-eyed girls who kind of remind me of the artwork my great-aunt had in the early 80s... except way hardcore. Check out "Bitches Get Stitches", which is both a well-known scientific fact and a beautiful, evocative picture:
This one friend of mine used to have a roommate who insisted on hanging a big painting of a tiger in the living room. Naturally, my friend, being a lady of taste and refinement, was stuck somewhere between horrified and amused. Please understand, this was not the kind of tiger painting that is okay to display. This was totally the, like, proud airbrush 1970s-style tiger. It was the kind of tiger I envision Dwight Schrute hanging in his bedroom, except obvs Dwight would probably hang a wolf picture instead. IT'S SUGGESTIVE TO WOMEN. BECAUSE OF HOWLING DURING SEX.
Anyway, my point is, here's some tiger art by KCkology that you can proudly display in your own non-beet-farm domicile:
This fine vintage offering from TheLovelys is technically a pair of ashtrays, but you could easily mount them on your walls for that coveted "it's 1962 and I am living in a Doris Day movie" feel. Beware, however, that these may cause dashing-yet-immoral Madison Avenue tycoons to try to seduce your innocent virtue:
If, however, you'd like to get down to brass tacks and just take the dashing MadMan, may I suggest bearandbunny's way Pop Art vintage dudeface:
"You're lucky to have a grandmother. Some of us have to be our own grandmothers."
--Angela Martin
(I don't know why so many quotes from The Office are creeping their way into this post. Maybe it's because The Office is AWESOME. Anyway.)
I'm one of the lucky ones, with two super-cool grandmothers, but I can still totally see Angela's point. I love both my grandmas, who are of the Modern Active Senior With a Lot of Living Left to Do variety. (One of them attributes this, in part, to her daily consumption of fiber-enriched wafers. Which she calls "poo-poo cookies." If you go over to her house, she will ever-so-politely offer, "Would you like a poo-poo cookie?" And if you know what's good for you, you'll say yes. This was very traumatizing to me as a child.) In keeping with their active lifestyles, both grandmas tend towards elastic-waist pants and sporty little tops, which is all well and good, but where are the veiled hats? The spool-heeled orthopedic shoes? The gaudy old jewelry and knee-high nylons? Nowhere, sadly, which is why I, like Angela, have to be my own grandmother and rock the old-lady chic my damn self.
One extremely important component of dressing like a cool old lady is having one of those fur scarves where it's, like, a fox or a weasel or something biting its own tail. I know, fur is murder and I should be ashamed. And I am, kind of. But I rationalize to myself that buying vintage fur doesn't contribute any BLOOD MONEY to EVIL FURRIERS, and anyway, I'm a vegetarian, so I'm doing my part to help the little animals!
...Oh, God, I feel so guilty. But not too guilty to totally lust after this 1950s stone marten boa from MimisMenagerie:
It is also important, when dressing old-lady style, to have a cute 1950s dress. Something modest, please, not like the things the girls these days wear. Why, sometimes you can see their whole underpants!
From 13bees:
LOVE that poufy skirt!
From POOCHIESCLOSET:
From 1stLoveVintage:
And, obviously, you need a hat, as proper hats are what separate the ladies from the bare-headed strumpets of shame. This one, from DelilahBurlesque, practically screams, "In my day, we walked uphill both ways... and then we married the prince of Monaco."
But in old-lady chic, as in all things, the best part is the jewelry. Pearls, like these from judysgems2, are a no-brainer:
and you will also, of course, need a cocktail ring bigger than your own head. baublesbeads provides:
Brooches are perhaps the quintessential old-lady accessory, and they're crazy versatile. Pin one on your fancy evening bag! On your scarf! In your hair!
From tinatarnoff:
From sular123:
From nouveaumotley:
The secret, of course, is not to go too old-lady all at once. Work one or two of these pieces into your normal wardrobe, and everybody will be all, "Damn, girl! You're lookin' fine!" And you'll harrumph to yourself, shocked at the forward manners of the Kids These Days.
Do I sound like I'm in a good mood today? If I do, it's only because I have a stiff upper lip and so forth. The truth is, my very HEART has been RENT into PIECES. My favorite ballet flats-- which I wear almost every day, weather and practicality be damned-- have pretty much had it, I'm afraid. I tried to deny it-- I was all, "Oh, no, the part where the upper is coming undone from the sole just gives them CHARACTER!"-- but dammit, I think it's time to let them retire to the back of my shoe rack. Tragic though this is, it at least gives me an excuse to buy EVEN MORE BALLET FLATS, of which I only have like ten pairs, so obviously I need lots and lots more.
kojodesigns has a cool idea: plain ballet flats that come with your choice of three pairs of shoe charms. Yes, those pink-and-orange things in the bottom left corner are ugly unto the realm of the beast, but all the other adornments are SUPER-CUTE!
BronzRockAcc has some extremely cool open-toed models, including these! With little birdies! OMG!
purevintageclothing has the most amazing gold-and-silver vintage flats EVER:
Were it not for the curse of my GIANT MONSTER FEET THAT LOOK LIKE THE PAWS OF A KANGAROO, I would seriously snap up retrotrend's vintage Sam & Libby flats. Oh my God, you guys, remember in the 80s, when Sam & Libby was totally the shit? There were always some rad Sam & Libby shoes in my issue of 'Teen every month, and I LONGED for, like, all of them.
Of course, if you're just so damn picky that none of these flats do it for you, there's always HydraHeart's custom bridal flats. Okay, yeah, so maybe you're not an actual bride at the moment. (Or maybe you are-- congratulations!) The point is, there exists in the world somebody who will make you the perfect, customized pair of ballet flats!
Plus, they're totally vegan. TOTALLY. VEGAN. Does this balance my karma for reccing a fur boa earlier?
Finally, Reine du Ciel Design officially opened for business last week! And I want to give thanks and big slobbery gross kisses to my friends and family who have offered me moral support, given me business advice, and gone on YET ANOTHER run to the craft store for beads with me. I only have a small portion of my inventory listed so far, but check it out and see if you find anything you CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT.
Next time I get off my ass and post something: more on Black Friday, and new inventory tiemz!
